Verse: 1 Peter 3:3-6 NLT
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her lord. You are her daughters when you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

If you are new to the Bible, verses like this can be difficult. It is important to read it in the context of the whole biblical narrative. And sadly, some churches have done a poor job of this. If you read this and wonder, “what is going on?”, please reach out to Christian. He would be happy to explain it as thoroughly as you’d like!

Series: 1 Peter 

Devotion
Bear with me, friends because there is quite a lot to unpack in these 4 verses. If you read yesterday’s devotional, it was a good preface to what we will dive into. Though women are directly addressed, the position for men is equally important to understand. There is such beautiful truth about the leadership of Christ over both man and woman. Sadly, our modern society-even in the church-disagrees and struggles with the concepts written here. The idea of spiritual leadership from the husband and spiritual submission from the wife is despised or disregarded. Some people just chalk it up to old Biblical principles that shouldn’t be carried over in modern culture, or they distort and misuse what Peter is actually saying. Wherever you stand on these concepts, there is always something that the Lord wants to reveal, and often our hearts may need some adjustment.

The first caution Peter gives is to “not let your adorning be external.” I don’t take this to mean that all jewelry and clothing is evil, but rather it stresses that what we look like on the outside is fading–our bodies age and wither away. Our main focus should be on the beauty of our hearts because the Lord delights in a quiet and gentle spirit. This is applicable for men and women because this looks like putting our hope in Jesus, not our spouse. We overcome fear by the promises of God which will ultimately affect our hearts and overwhelm us with peace that is unfading.

Verses five and six may need a little more attention as Peter says a woman “accepts the authority of her husband….obeys….and calls him Lord.” I know, you may be saying, “No way! Not a chance!’ The way it’s written can sound like the man is the master and women are their submissive servants. But, no. In order to understand what seems like insanity in these verses, we need to first understand what submission is NOT.

-Submission does not mean that you have to agree with everything that your husband says. It doesn’t mean that you should leave your brain and your will at the wedding altar, either. Keep your thoughts renewed and moving so that you can apprehend the heart and worth of Jesus. We have to choose Him for ourselves and place Him above all else–including our spouses.

-Submission does not mean that women avoid encouraging transformation in their husbands. Certainly submission will never follow a husband into sin. At the beginning of this chapter in verse 1 it says, “Be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior or their wives.” Husbands will see the steadfast hope their wife has in the Lord and watch how her life is transformed. Her submission to the Lord can be the perfect strategy for changing the heart of her husband.

-Submission does not mean putting the will of your spouse before the will of Christ. We are followers of Jesus before and above being a follower of our spouse. Both men and women alike submit to the Lord (capital L), and we obey his commands and direction for us because it honors Him. We then see His blessings because He loves us. When we submit to the Lord, it teaches us how to honor our husbands, governments, employers, and parents.

-Submission does not mean that a woman’s strength must come from her husband. Men, a good husband should absolutely build up and encourage his wife and be a source of strength personally and spiritually. However, what the text in 1 Peter 3 says is that when spiritual leadership from the husband is lacking, a wife should not be robbed of all her strength. She is not dependent on her husband to be her strength but she seeks to know the Lord as He is her strength. Jesus calls us to develop depth and strength in character not FROM our spouse, but FOR our spouse. Verse 5 is reiterating that her hope is found in God, and her husband will meet her there.

-Lastly, and most importantly understood is that submission does not mean that a wife should act out of fear. Verse 6 concludes with, “You are her [Sarah’s] daughters when you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” Submission to the Lord and to our spouse is FREE. We aren’t forced into it out of fear. The women AND men of God are free. When a wife submits to her husband–believer or non-believer–she does so in complete freedom and desire, not out of fear.

Let’s also not forget that the Lord gave specific commands and responsibility for men in Ephesians 5. “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The Lord lays out specifically how a man should offer servant leadership to his wife and family. And these verses, not the ones about the wife, would be the most significant culturally. In their culture, the idea of a man laying his life down for his wife was radical. As the husband loves like Christ, makes a home for her, holds fast to her and becomes one with her, so the wife affirms her husband’s leadership and helps him carry it through according to her gifts. THIS is what submission looks like.

The church’s disposition is to follow God’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership as it is a wife to her husband. It is an attitude that says, “I delight in your leadership and love to see you take initiative. I am glad when you take responsibility and lead with love. I am not able to flourish when you are passive, my heart is to honor you as you lead.” There may be times that we as followers of God or as spouses hesitate at the decision of the ones leading us. It may look unwise or make you feel uneasy. As another example, a wife may say to her husband, “I know you’ve thought a lot about this, and I love it when you plan for us and dream of new things, but I really don’t have peace about this decision and I think we need to talk about it some more. Could we talk and pray together?” These could be conversations with your spouse, your parents, your leaders (church or other) and even the Lord. They can look like what’s on your heart, but to love and honor is the key. When God designs something as sacred as marriage, he does so for His glory and our good. Likewise, when we enter into relationship with the Lord it is also sacred and we submit and yield to Him because He is holy.

The question for all of us, no matter married, single, man or woman – is where in our lives is God asking us to lead by example through servant leadership, and where in our lives is God asking us to serve another’s vision by submitting to and honoring them.

Prayer
Jesus, we thank you for modeling servant leadership. We honor your headship as king. We lay down our own lives in servant leadership that you may be glorified. We ask that marriages be restored to your desire. Let honor and submission of wives be redeemed by modeling after your intention for the church. Let the husband’s leadership also be redeemed by the model of God’s intention for Christ. We are free, willing, and glad to honor and love you. Thank you for the perfect demonstration of love. Continue to transform our hearts and mindsets on this matter until we are aligned with you. You have the best design and the best purposes for us. We yield to you Lord because we love you. Amen